Sep 112017
 

Meeting Papaji Now

— Yantra-ji
I am one of the many people who came to know Papaji after his physical passing, who came to know his message of peace, and who has come to know myself in his formless presence. Such a blessing. Papaji’s message speaks directly to my own heart. His presence is alive, in and as my own heart, as this endless fire of Self.

Papaji’s presence is tangibly alive

Nine years ago, when I first I arrived at Papaji’s Satsang Bhavan in Lucknow, India, the intensity of Papaji’s palpable presence was immediately felt. Being in Satsang Bhavan, the building and the hall where Papaji offered satsang, was an incredibly powerful experience. Obviously Papaji was not physically there, as his physical form had passed many years before, and yet this presence, his presence, was huge and directly palpable, an all-consuming fire that burned me into the pure dust of nothingness.

Visiting Papaji’s house for the first time was also an unspeakably profound experience, the reverberations of which have never left me. I had no expectation in visiting his house, no idea what I would see, what I would experience, or what might occur.

I went to the house with others in the group I was traveling with. There we were introduced to Papaji’s beautiful son, Surendra, and to Surendra’s wife, Usha. They are an incredibly open, loving family, who continue to welcome visitors from all over the world throughout the year, into the kitchen, into their living space, and into what was once and still is, Papaji’s bedroom.

In the living room where Papaji once offered satsang, under a huge and beautiful photo of him, is the Sat Guru Crypt, where some of Papaji’s ashes are kept. We sat on the same satsang cushions that so many beloveds had sat on over the years. The energy and presence of Papaji was tangibly alive.

Being in the physical presence of the huge photo over the Sat Guru Crypt, I became aware of a trembling in my body – not from fear, not from cold, but a huge, roaring, shaking presence, softening and dissolving the physical identity.

We were offered chai that was so good, hot, and strong, and it was all I could do to just hold the cup and sip on it. The body simply sat, sipping chai, absorbed in the moment, being pulled into the full presence of Papaji, into his love, and into the bliss of being with him there.

Then the opportunity came for small groups of about 6-10 to go into Papaji’s bedroom for short amounts of time. This was to allow everyone who wanted the opportunity to sit near his bed, to meditate, to soak in his presence. His bedroom, lovingly kept by Papaji’s family all these years, contains all of Papaji’s personal things, left there untouched, his books on the shelf, his glasses in the cabinet, a calendar on the wall, just as it was when he was alive.

Stepping into Papaji’s bedroom was like stepping into a warp in time; in other words, “no time.” It gave rise to an overwhelming feeling of love. I sat on one of the cushions placed around the floor and walls with my back leaning against the side of Papaji’s bed. I know other people were also there in the room, though I have no memory of anyone.

There, immersing myself in the blessing of Papaji, I was dissolved into nothing, no one. No longer was there a me to sit, no body, no mind, no state, no self, just a vast beingness, so deeply quiet, so still.

Suddenly I could hear Papaji’s voice as though he were speaking directly to me and directly into my heart. His voice and inner images of him became an endless stream of love. His grace poured into me, filled me, overflowed me, as he showed me what was needed now with this life that I had until that moment referred to as “mine.”

What occurred in Papaji’s house, this happening that never happened, was the totality of all time and no time, so utterly annihilating and beautiful.

I couldn’t stand up. I could hardly open my eyes. I couldn’t walk. I had to have two people assist me back onto the bus and back to our hotel. This one that I had called me was nowhere to be found, just an endless silence and emptiness.

I feel so moved as I share this, so very exposed. There is a rawness in remembering the details and the profundity of this experience in meeting Papaji.

Nine years ago in India, in Lucknow, in Papaji’s house, I dedicated my life to THIS, to this that Papaji IS. As I write and reflect on those moments in Lucknow, I am aware that life itself is only this one endless moment, this flow that continues – Papaji’s unspeakable Grace.

The most precious gift of all

Papaji’s body is gone, his physical form has passed, but his presence continues to be felt regardless of the passing of the physical form. He is still present and alive in the hearts of those who loved him and to those who have continued to come to know him and his message since the passing of his form.

I am so grateful to you, Papaji, at whose feet I bow. To know the truth of who I am in this lifetime, in freedom, with you, as you, is the most precious gift of all.

In love and gratitude to Beloved Papaji, my true teacher, and to Ramana Maharshi, whose silence holds it all.

© Yantra-ji (Yantra Lindon) and Living Alignment, 2017

Yantra-ji lives in New South Wales, Australia, offering satsang meetings and events in Glenning Valley, 75 minutes north of Sydney. To find out more about Yantra-ji and her schedule, visit her website.

This article was shared in Oasis, the online magazine on Gangajis website: http://oasis.gangaji.org/blog/2017/08/25/meeting-papaji-now/

 

  1. CommentKarin says: 

    Thank you! This was so real! I experienced it with you Yantraji! Beautiful report.

Sep 112017
 

Papaji’s Mahasamadhi Satsang Celebration and this months Oasis magazine article links:
                                                                                                  

Let there be Peace and Love

among all Beings of the Universe

Let there be Peace

Let there be Peace

Om Shanti Shanti Shanti

September the 6th is the anniversary of Papaji’s Mahasamadhi ( his physical death ). Please join us this Tuesday the 5th September, for a special Satsang evening to celebrate the gift of his life and passing – arrive at 7pm for Chai and light supper, please bring a small plate of food to share, this will be followed by one of Papaji ‘s Satsang dvd’s  and prasad – please RSVP

You are the unchangeable Awareness which all activity takes place.
Always rest in peace.
You are eternal Being, unbounded and undivided.
Just keep Quiet. All is well. Keep Quiet Here and Now.
You are Happiness, you are Peace, you are Freedom.
Do not entertain any notions that you are in trouble.
Be kind to yourself. Open to your Heart and simply Be.
Those who know This know Everything.
If not, even the most learned know nothing at all.
~ Papaji

As September 6th marks twenty years since the death of Papaji’s bod, I was asked to contribute to this month’s issue of Oasis Magazine on Gangaji’s website. There are several beautiful articles and contributions including an except from my soon to be published book ‘Meeting Papaji Now’, which celebrate the unfathomable, still here, vast presence that is Papaji, and turn our inquiry toward that which never dies – What is death? What is life? What is alive and unchanging before the form is born and after it is gone? The body will die sometime. That is a guarantee of birth. But the opportunity is to die before the body dies, and in that to recognize the eternal truth of who you are. Please click on the title links below if you would like to read any of these.

His Teaching is Alive Within Each of Us – Gangaji

Seated in the Cave of Your Heart – Papaji

Facing Death Now  – Gangaji

Seeing from the Heart of Love – Jasmin Lace

Meeting Papaji Now — Yantra-ji

Light in the Dark Woods – Medea Chechik

In Letting Go — Michael Byers

Gangaji’s words mirror my own direct experience “Papaji’s body is gone, but his teaching is alive within each of us. If his teaching pierces your heart open, it will relentlessly reveal your true identity to be life itself.”

~ Namaste Yantra-ji

Sep 042017
 

An excerpt from the soon to be published book ‘Profound Awakening – Meeting Papaji Now – Vol 1’ and the title of this months Satsang retreat Moved by the Presence of Love

 


“Moved by the Presence of Love

Love is always Loving you. Without this Love you cannot breathe, as without air you cannot live. Love is meditation, Meditation is Love. Heart has no frontiers; Meditate on This. You are this love, you are That. Simply be Quite and stay as such ~ Papaji

Presence is this that is consciousness, grace, awareness, love itself. We have the opportunity at every moment to be here as we are, as this consciousness, as this grace, as love, as awareness itself. There is nothing that we need to do, to be this! There is nothing that we need to gain, to get, to fix, to change – consciousness, grace, love, awareness, presence is ALWAYS here as who we are. It is only the minds attention that moves to other things, born of thoughts driven usually by fear and survival.
To stay here as we are is refreshing, freeing, liberating. Nothing is needed, we are just as we are. We are moved, we are used, freely and freshly in each moment by This that we are. We get to respond, to play in life, just as we are. There is such a gift in just being naturally, authentically ourselves, being This that we already are. There is no concept, no thought, no preconceived idea of how we will be used, how we will be moved, how we will play, how we will respond. Everything is fresh, new, alive, this is the gift of presence, of love itself.
I visited the city during the day with my beloved to attend a meeting. Whilst he works in the city, going into the city is not a regular occurrence for me. We headed first to a nearby parking station. As we turned a corner at a set of traffic lights, there was a man sitting on the corner, he was on the pavement with his back to me holding a hand written sign – I could not read all of the words other than – ‘I am homeless please help me’. I was moved by such a strong and overwhelming desire to get out of the car and help him. It was as though I was struck by such a compelling force, it arose not from any thought, only from this unseen grace that pushes and pulls us if we stay open and available to the moment.
My beloved teacher Papaji had said to Janaki, “stay still and silent on the mountain top (referring to Mt Arunachala) don’t move unless you are pulled or pushed by grace”.
This was one of those moments, this pull, this push was so strong. I said to my beloved, “oh I need to get out, I need to see him, I must meet with this man.” By the time these words were spoken, we had moved around the corner in the traffic and I was unable to physically get out of the car. There was a deeper trust and an inner knowing arising that I would indeed be meeting with this man.
We traveled up and down the maize of one-way streets to get to our parking destination, then started to walk on foot to our meeting. I was like a child being in awe, in wonder at everything, the buildings, the people, the senses being bombarded by movement, sound, smell, by life – it was incredibly fresh and alive.
We arrived at a set of traffic lights opposite the homeless man sitting on the pavement and my heart skipped with joy. I reached into my bag for some notes to give him, folded them discretely and held them in my hand as I waited for the lights to change. I was aware of no one paying him any attention, no one looking, and as we started to walk across towards him I was aware of people averting their eyes from him, moving around him, still paying no attention.
Here was a man, another human being, sitting on the cold cement pavement. Who knows why his life had conspired to have him be here, why his destiny was as it was at that moment. There was no judgement in his condition or circumstances, all I could do was respond to the moment, to move towards him, being led by this internal pull, by this unseen grace, by love itself.
As I went towards and around to the front of him, I could see he was holding the sign in one hand, holding a book in the other reading, there was a can in front to put money, coins in ( there was a 5 cent coin in it ).
Putting money into this can was not what I was being called to, not to placate him, not to appease some sense of a righteous deed, the money did not mean anything,  as the small offering would not really make any difference. I sat down on the ground directly in front of him, with people walking all around us. He looked up and met my gaze, I met his, met him. Here in this moment all stood still, there was no me, no him, no other, no homelessness, no people, no city, no street. Here there was just presence. Here there was just love meeting love, meeting itself, being met, not needing anything.
I put my hand out discretely toward him and said – here this is for you. Without averting our eyes from this meeting he tucked it into his top pocket. We continued to be here together, innocently freshly meeting together.
It was indescribably beautiful. Such a precious and rare meeting with such a beautiful human being. What a gift , what a blessing.
How many had missed this opportunity, to be present anywhere, any time, to anyone.

Love is the spontaneous Indweller of your heart. Love itself speaks through every pore of your body, you need not open your mouth, there is no word for love ~ Papaji

There was no need to speak, no need to ask anything of him, no need to tell him anything of me. Then the words arose – I hope you have a really lovely day today – our eyes still in this same gaze, this same meeting. As I got up, he went back to reading his book, holding his sign, sitting on the pavement – having been truly met. Met by life, met by grace, met by this one self showing up here as the two. The preciousness of this gift for both of us.
My beloved stood silently this whole time just witnessing as aware presence, and shared with me how we have no idea how such a meeting could change the course of someone’s life.
We left and went on to our scheduled meeting, had lunch and then walked through the city some more. There were other homeless people all around doing whatever they were doing. There was no pull to take action, only just the silent witnessing of This that is life showing up in all of its forms.
Without any judgement, I was aware of witnessing the overt display of wealth that is surrounding us everywhere, and the poverty, not just of the homelessness, but the real poverty of having the attention taken by this and by that, distracted by anything and everything that moves us away from our heart, away from love, away from This that we are, presence itself.

As love you are seated in the Heart of all Beings and they in yours. Here within the heart you can see everything because everything is projected from here.
This moment of Love does not belong to a “me” or to a “you” so therefore I am in Love. When mind is no mind it is heart. Heart is Self, is Atman, is Emptiness ~ Papaji

Later I had the opportunity to share this encounter with a friend, who said that she would not be able to do that, could not do that, could not imagine doing that, she said it was too confronting, what about her life, her children, how could she stop and do what I did.
The truth is ‘I’ did not ‘Do’ anything – there was no ‘I’ doing involved –  just as Papaji had said to Janaki, “only move from the mountain if you are pushed or pulled by grace.” All that occurred was an impulse from grace arose, it was followed and enacted by grace, and was a blessing shared by grace.
So a question may arise – Does this then mean that we should or need to stop and support every homeless person we meet? This cannot be answered by me for you, other than to say that what is required only, is trusting what is here arising in the moment freshly. Following the pull of grace, this that is love, this that moves your heart, effortlessly – This is what you trust, this that is living you, guiding you, moving you, this is being Moved by the Presence of Love.
This is the gift of my teacher, beloved Papaji, to me and to you. You are this presence of love that moves you – know the truth of this – you are that !

Sep 042017
 

Support for Self Inquiry Moved by the Presence of Love

My beloved teacher Papaji had said to Janaki, stay still and silent on the mountain top (referring to Mt Arunachala) don’t move unless you are pulled or pushed by grace.
This is the gift of my teacher, beloved Papaji, to me and to you. You are this presence of love that moves you – know the truth of this – you are that !

All doubt, despair, and fear become insignificant, once the intention of life becomes Love. ╭♥╯Rumi

Our retreat ‘Moved by the presence of Love’ was very beautiful, and deeply revealing. Whether you were able to attend or not, it may be of support to use the self inquiry questions from the retreat to deepen your awareness of the presence of love that lives as you. Even if we have previously inquired into what we have held to be true about love, grace, presence, or being moved in life, it can be useful to do so again. This exercise can either be done with a partner or on your own.
If you are with a partner, take some time to sit quiet together reflecting, choose one of you to ask the questions whilst the other answers out loud until the inquiry process is complete, then swap and repeat the inquiry questions. This can be a very profound and deeply revealing process of uncovering, so please stay wide open, allow whatever arises, and be a true support for each other.
If you are inquiring on your own you can reflect silently on the questions and answers or speak out loud.

Exercise:
Take some time to quietly reflect on all of the Ideas, conditioning, projections, concepts, judgements and beliefs you hold to be true about Love
.

What do you know, experience or believe – all that love is
What is Love?  What else? – thank you ( keep repeating the question and answering for a few minutes until nothing else arises
)
How are you moved / or held back – by what you believe love is – what else? – thank you ( once again keep repeating the question and answering for a few minutes until nothing else arises )

What do you know, experience or believe – all that is not Love
What is not Love? – What else?  – thank you ( keep repeating the question and answering for a few minutes until nothing else arises )
How are you moved / or held back – by what you believe is not love – what else? – thank you ( once again keep repeating the question and answering for a few minutes until nothing else arises )

If you were to let go of all that has arisen, all that you have believed or held to be true, just for a moment not touching any of it – Staying wide open, what is revealed as the truth?

When you allow yourself to be open to love just as it is – Is there anything that is or is not love?
What then is revealed as the presence of love? 
Staying wide open – how does the presence of love move you in this moment?

Please see the Satsang and retreat schedule for the upcoming Satsang retreats –  we look forward to sharing in a deeply beautiful and moving inquiry together, please RSVP – Namaste Yantra-ji

Jul 172017
 

The deepening call of the One-Self

I am so moved by the endless deepening of the beloveds who attended the Satsang retreat on Sunday. This fire once lit, catches hold like a wildfire, it cant be put out, it must burn. There is nothing to do but surrender more and more deeply to this that is revealed, to this that is discovered freshly here.

What is it that you discover when everything is surrendered here?

What words arise from the depths of this discovery?

Maybe you notice there is nothing to be spoken – and yet if words were to arise,  if you could hear the words that this deepening itself is reveling to you, as you –  what would that be?  

Vastness, open, spacious, empty?

Rather than stopping here at what you first discover, are you willing to open more deeply, discover even more deeply what is being revealed in the depths of the Self?

If you say vast – how vast is this vastness, how open is this opening, how endless is this that has no end?

Allow the pull of this discovery to continue to lead you, to pull you, ever deeper, wider, vaster, into itself – How much more is on offer here in the depth of endless stillness and silence?

If this that has no beginning and no end, no sides, no definitions, no boundaries, could use words to communicate it-self – what would those words be, what would be heard, what would it say ?

 

The words revealed from the depths of this discovery, from truth itself – are so full and complete, so compelling – pulling one deeper with every word, with every space between the words – there is nothing other than the nakedness of the truth itself revealed in the words – allow them to speak to the truth as you.

        ***
Endless discovery
how deep is this depth?
Vast, wide, endless,
words rising and falling in the silence
meaning nothing,
are nothing,
made of and returning to nothing,
the end of everything
and yet
No End!
***
So still,
precious silence
every sound
such Bliss
***
Eyes see
ears hear
heart feels,
everything and nothing
precious discovery
***
Infinite Silence
bursting with love
empty as nothing
yet full of life
Container of all
yet boundless and free
Gratitude and awe
flow in contemplation
exquisite simplicity
conceals intricate complexity
Perfect design
allows effortless being
All is in peace
I bow to the self
***

thank you beloveds for the gift of sharing these words of truth from the depths of endless discovery – this one-Self
~ Namaste Yantra-ji

Jul 102017
 

Meeting ‘need’ and discovering what is deeper

We all have needs starting with the basic human needs that support survival – food, shelter, water, air, warmth.

There are the needs of being a social species, that of connection, closeness and intimacy, enabling the ability to procreate, to stay safe as a group, and survive as a species.

Through our ability to think, feel and sense – these same needs become driven by an idea, belief or story that we are a someone, a somebody, who is in some way lacking, threatened, vulnerable, out of control.

Through our mind, our senses or emotions, we begin trying to find what will fill our lack, what will prevent the threat, what will have us be safe, secure, or loved. These needs – either overt or covert –  to be in relationship, to be seen, to be valued, to be unique, to be wanted, to be respected, to be knowledgeable etc etc disguise our fears that we feel inadequate, unlovable, unsafe.

We may be aware or unaware of the needs that arise. We may be perceived as someone who is needy or lacking in needs. Whichever way it shows up, it is useful to pierce the lie of overt or covert ‘need’ to discover who is the one that needs and is needing, to discover what is this need, to discover what it covers, and to discover what is deeper, and ever deeper still – what is untouched by any perceived need? What has never been touched? What can never be tainted, changed or altered, whether or not any need is ever met or remains unmet?

There is an opportunity in Satsang, or retreat, to fully pierce the lie of the identified self, this one who has ‘need’, and discover, not the one who has no need, but rather this itself that is needless – in ever deepening gratitude for this endless opportunity of fresh discovery – of Self

~ Namaste Yantra-ji

Jun 132017
 

True Support in times of Crises

Crises is defined as a time of intense difficulty or danger. There is news of world events, some that seem far removed from our lives and some closer to home. When there is so much occurring in our lives and our world we may feel that there is intensity and crises even if we are not being exposed directly to danger. We may experience intense difficulty in personal, relationship, financial or health crises. We may face the uncertainty of physical threat to ourselves or those we love, through violence or abuse, or we may experience the intensity of the crises of death through accident, illness, injury or suicide.

Wherever we look we can find some form of crises, either close to home or further afield, as we are exposed to so much through the media.

What really happens when we hear news of crisis, either in our immediate world or in the wider context of the world around us – and what is true support? .
Firstly we need to distinguish if the crises, the threat of intense difficulty or danger, is real or perceived , is immediate or imagined. If it is real and immediate, then of course immediate action and support is needed, to remove, to protect, and to remain safe is vital – this may require us to obtain physical, mental, financial, emotional support and assistance, to run, to flee or to ask for help.

However, what we often experience as crises, as threat of intense difficulty or danger, is only perceived threat, is only imagined danger, which causes us to react – moving away or against mentally, physically or emotionally, to cope, to deny, to suppress, to control. We are triggered by world events, feeling powerless, fearful, angry, enraged, and yet we talk and act as though nothing is really wrong, burying our heads in the sand or acting out. How do we distinguish and be real with what is actually occurring, what is actually here, what is being triggered in us, and have the availability of true response and true support?

We are afraid or war, afraid of hurt, afraid of violence, afraid of terrorism, afraid of pain, afraid of death. So we either deny and suppress or project and become angry about war, angry about seeing others hurt, angry about violence and terrorism, angry about pain, angry about death. Then we talk, argue, discuss, we project the anger, the hurt, the resentment, the fear, both outwardly and inwardly onto others and ourselves, creating more unrest, more war, a form of inner terrorism, and then wonder why there is no peace, why there is no love, why there is no support.

In the willingness to inquire and distinguish firstly between real or perceived crises, there is then the opportunity to stop, to fully experience what is here, without denying or projecting. There is the opportunity to feel the pain and intensity of it all, without telling a story about it and without moving – feeling and allowing the powerlessness, the hurt, the anger, the violation – and then opening even deeper into what holds it all, into true support, into the peace of our own Self, and the love that holds everything.

Satsang is this opportunity to stop and inquire, to discern what is true, and to affirm what is undeniably present here always – this endless peace, stillness, silence of being, once discovered is found to be true and endless support.

In deepest gratitude for this life that constantly points us home to the truth, to the support that is always here – as each other, as our own self ~ Namaste Yantra-ji 

May 162017
 

‘Living in Devotion’

What is devotion? What does it mean to you to be devoted, to live in devotion? Devoted to who or to what ? As always at first it is useful to explore what these words mean to us – how do we devote our time, our life and to what?

Are you devoted to ‘your’ life, to your story, to your ideas, to your identity, to being a certain someone? Are you devoted to a cause, to rigidity, to a purpose, to an ideal? Are you devoted to suffering, to living a lie, to playing small?

“Wherever you go, maya has a trap that is waiting for you. If you worship, you can get trapped in the rituals of worship. If you follow the path of yoga, then yogic samadhi will be a trap for you. Do you understand?” ~ Papaji

Are you devoted to the idea of truth, to the idea of enlightenment , to the idea of freedom? Are you devoted to service, or surrender, or ritual?

My beloved teacher Papaji says Devotion’ really means ‘not divided’. The Sanskrit word bhakti actually means ‘where there is no division’ “- Papaji was a bhakti, his whole life was lived in devotion, to the living discovery of God, to Krishna, to Ramana, to truth, to consciousness itself – What is your life really devoted to? Are you willing to surrender fully? Who is the one living in devotion?

Eventually through the direct realisation of your own Self and the commitment to remain true to this discovery, these questions no longer arise or need to be answered.
When you are devoted to the living Truth of your own Self, to This that is All – there is just devotion living as itself.

“Supreme devotion is not to give rise to a single thought. Then you are not carried away” ~ Papaji

Remain here as you are, free, conscious, living in devotion itself.

We recently held a one day Satsang retreat ‘Living In Devotion’. It was a beautiful opportunity to explore and immerse more deeply, to have confirmed this undeniable truth of our own self, that who we are, this that life itself is, is living devotion itself.  No matter what is occurring, there is the possibility to be fully present, here as your own self, fully immersed in this that is love itself, living, being lived, in devotion. What ultimately is discovered, the words Living ‘in’ Devotion, become Living Devotion, then just Devotion – Devotion Living itself. Such a gift of this fresh discovery of yourself, living in and as devotion itself ~ Namaste Yantra-ji

Apr 242017
 

Love As Everything

Here as we are there is only this,  whether we call it openness, nothing, space or peace, it is also all love – there is nothing that is not all, the entirety of consciousness itself – there is nothing then that is not love.

When we use the body, the emotions, or the mind to discern love, we think of love as an idea, a set of terms, or needs, a group of emotions, or sensations, and we miss the essential all abiding quality that is always here as love itself – full, free, endless and un-name-able. 

When we are willing to be still, to not move, to be as we are with no idea of what is here, to just ‘Stop’ as my beloved teacher Papaji has said – you discover your self as this that is all, this that is everything, this that is consciousness, this that is love itself, the essence that is undeniably here, the ground of being, the substratum of existence – you discover your self and Love as everything.

We offered a one day satsang retreat to explore and immerse more deeply, to have confirmed this undeniable truth of own own self that who we are, this that life itself is, is love – Love as everything.

No matter what is occurring, there is the possibility to be fully present, here as your own self, fully immersed in this that is love itself, living, being lived, as Love. l encourage you to give yourself the gift of this fresh discovery, of yourself, in love as everything ~ Namaste Yantra-ji

Feb 272017
 

The swinging pendulum of polarity strategies or Staying Still

I recently heard the comment that it is often hard to see the play of ego – my reply is that is not actually the case. That sentence, those words, are just the minds way again and again of keeping you locked in survival mode, so that ‘you’ survive. We may not see the play of ego or the survival drive in the way we might expect, or imagine we should or ought to, however we are certain to experience a glitch in our body or emotions that says ‘something is off, something is not quite true’ – So you actually know the truth, that there is always a clue pointing you back to be still, to be this endless self that is always untouched by any need or requirement of the body, the desires, or the survival of this life form.

Let is take some time to examine what this survival drive really is.
As a living form we are governed by an instinctual genetic programming impulse to survive. The genetic imprint is very strong. Like that of all species it is coded into our DNA and cells. It responds to any threat and garners everything at its disposal to guarantee the survival of the form, or of the species.

As a human being we are no different to any other form in regard to this genetic survival imprint. We do have however an added layer of genetic programing – as well as the sensory, or animal instinct, there is also the emotional and mental responses. As the survival of our species originally depended on these responses, you can see that they were actually extremely valuable. However when we are willing to examine both what is driving our conditioned behaviours, and explore what is untouched by them – we are confronted by another response – the swinging polarity strategies A dear friend and colleague of mine Kevin Billet terms these polarity survival strategies the double bind ( dammed if you do, and dammed if you don’t ). The emotional and thinking overlay, creates a polarity strategy so that we avoid the perceived threat or danger zone.

What is termed the ego or identity has many strategies for survival, so it is useful for the purpose of self inquiry to take a look at this response and how it ‘seems’ to keep us trapped in an endless swinging pendulum between two poles, two extremes – all driven by the original threat and fear of non survival.

I will share some examples of how these polarity drives show up. We may be faced with many difficult encounters or experiences in life, which are perceived as a threat in some way – we then react in ways in order to protect  – we either move away ( in fear or shame )  we move towards ( in order to be lovable, nice, harmless ) or we move against ( in order to be tough, strong, the fittest, in control ).

So let us say that for an example that we experience fear, humiliation, or shame, this is an act of moving away and actually a cover for what is more deeply feared. This fear or shame has us be in a defensive retreating mode, abdicating any sense of rights, power, or control so that we wont be seen as a threat, or we wont be abandoned, or left to die. This movement away becomes so intolerable as we realise that we are not actually safe as someone who is vulnerable and weak and so there is a swing to an opposite polarity strategy – that of either towards or against, the towards strategy is one of being nice, placating, pleasing, doing – the against strategy is one of being strong, in control, dominating, righteous, judgemental, blaming, threatening. This swinging back and forth is an endless cycle.  At one moment seeming to avoid the threat, and then seeming to be the cause of threat, and so you move again.

Let us take a look first at what is beneath it all. Beneath all the movement is emotion – if we use the example again of the shame, fear , withdrawing, retreat, abdicating, supplicating oneself, or showing up as weak –  it is a deeper fear that who we are will not survive the threat.
The same is true for the other polarity that unless we are showing up as strong, controlling fierce etc. then we could risk being attached or killed, then suddenly we fear being strong will have us attract the very threat and we move again, being nice ( towards ) or ( away ) being weak and in fear.
ALL of these movements are a form of protection based in instinctual survival mechanisms – however there is no real threat, no real danger , we are not at risk of physical death.

This endless movement is tiring, this endless movement is futile, this endless movement is continual suffering.
If we are willing to see this movement, and that it is futile, we get to open to a new possibility – one that is not based in survival response.
What if you were not to move from one, or to the other ? What if you were to stay still ?
If you didn’t move what would you have to meet? Feel? Experience?
You most likely will experience some form of risk – a risk, a razors edge, something that feels uncertain, unfamiliar, unknown, again the word risky to not move arises – this fear of the Risk is what has you habitually moving from one polarity to the other.
What if you were to discover what this risk really is ? What is it made of, what is it really? What is actually at risk?
You may discover that what is at risk is the dying of the identity, the holding on to being a someone who is a someone – sound familiar?
If we are really willing to stop and meet this risk itself ( not the story of what has us move ) but this that is risk itself , we discover our deepest fear is of total exposure, excruciating vulnerability, we fear that who we are will not exist. And then when you continue to open and allow this – what is discovered? Without all the frantic movement you can now allow the quiet, the space, to permeate all and you discover that risk is imagined, risk is mind, all that is here is endless self with no-one, no somebody, no agenda – just freedom.

Whilst this examination may have taken some time to write and some time to read – the penetrating inquiry itself can take just a moment – all that is required is that you are willing to be still – as my beloved teacher Papaji says, to stop, stop the movement of mind and discover your own self, already always free ~ Namaste Yantra-ji