Sep 232018
 

Living an Authentic Life – rawness, vulnerability, authenticity – what is possible when we are really willing and open to investigation – Self Inquiry?

While sitting quietly in the sun today, something came into my awareness to investigate.

I want to share what I discovered with you.

As many of you know I have shared that each year since my sons passing I would take the 10 days from his death to his funeral 21-31st Aug to be in retreat in some way, to honour whatever presented through this time. This year has been slightly different with the needs of the moment directing that life continue as it is, as it does, that I continue to be in the world and the willingness to stay raw, open, exposed and tender through it all. You may have read a recent post where I shared about the tenderness that has been here.

Over the last few days I have been called to be more inward, to be more quiet, to rest the body and to pull back from worldly activities, a time of healing, introspection and reflection.

While sitting quietly in the sun today, something came into my awareness to investigate.

Recently I was asked to take part in an exercise designed to clear out any negatives, fears or doubts about why we may not succeed in business and to list at least 10 reasons. The purpose was to just offload it, to write it down, and get it out. At first there was nothing I was aware of, no doubts, no fears, nothing arose, so I was willing to check deeper, and while I was able to list 6 or 7 things, I was also aware that on a conscious level I didn’t actually believe any of them.

Yet the fact that they had surfaced led me to inquire deeper.

So today, while sitting quietly in the sun, this came into my awareness to investigate and reflect on what had arisen.

It was very revealing and may be of use for you personally, in your own work, with your clients, in your own businesses, and in your own lives.

As I looked at each of the 7 things that arose, I asked as series of spontaneous questions: what is this really pointing to? what else? what is deeper? how does that feel? what is needed? what is here?

I will share with you, both the initial 7 things that arose around what may stop me from succeeding in business, and my discoveries as I opened, explored, asked questions and investigated with each of them:

1. Business is not something I usually share about.
Q’s: what is this really pointing to? what else? what is deeper? how does that feel? what is needed? what is here?
‘Business’ is not spiritual, being seen as something or someone that I’m not.
feelings of fear and sadness, a sense of not being able to control the outcome – and a deeper sadness that I was not able to control the outcome with my son dying – feelings arose of grief, loss, despair, pain, heartbreak, powerlessness – as I opened into and allowed all of this – I dropped into this profound Grace, this that I am, that my son is.

2. People will think it’s ‘weird’ that I’m sharing anything about business as that’s not what I usually share with my work.
Q’s: what is this really pointing to? what else? what is deeper? how does that feel? what is needed? what is here?
The word ‘Weird’ was what was standing out, that I will alienate people from me.
My dad feared being seen as ‘weird’ by doing what he loved most ‘art and being an artist’ so avoided that and focused on business – ahhh – I’ve done the opposite – on the level of ‘thought’ it’s all perception – and when I asked what is deeper – nothing – so much giggling arose.

3. Someone said to me recently they ‘feel sorry for me, having to, or needing to, do this for work, for business, for income.’
Q’s: what is this really pointing to? what else? what is deeper? how does that feel? what is needed? what is here?
We can justify that we all need to work – but if I ask what’s deeper than that?
People project an idea of ‘Who I am’ onto me.
None of it means anything, any work is ok, how could it not be!
So, I asked the question, Well, who am I? Who am I? Who am I really?
Which led me to dropping deeper and deeper into silence, deeper and deeper into stillness.

4. I don’t want to come across or be seen as being inauthentic.
Q’s: what is this really pointing to? what else? what is deeper? how does that feel? what is needed? what is here?
Fear – opening with the feeling and asking ‘Who is it that cares?
The world will think and project and see as the world does – none of it touches this that I am – such peace and stillness

5. A fear of being judged by those that don’t understand what it is that I’m doing
Q’s: what is this really pointing to? what else? what is deeper? how does that feel? what is needed? what is here?
Judged by those who don’t understand.
It all just drops away as I rest in the awareness that is here already – The world will think and project and see as the world does – none of it touches this that I am –again such peace and stillness

6. Ok, deeper than that, a fear of being misjudged, misrepresented, people spreading rumours or lies, things being said that are not true ( revealing a pattern from my previous marriage )
Q’s: what is this really pointing to? what else? what is deeper? how does that feel? what is needed? what is here?
Allowing the feelings of being misjudged, misrepresented, lied about – allowing the pain in my heart that on the surface this is where the world meets – let’s meet ‘here’ where all of that is superfluous
Rumi’s words arose: beyond any ideas of wrong doing and right doing there is a field, let us meet here ….!!! Such endless peace

7. Pressure to perform or act out of alignment with what is truthfully here
Q’s: what is this really pointing to? what else? what is deeper? how does that feel? what is needed? what is here?
Only I can choose
My stake in the ground is ‘here’, here is what ‘I am’, here as ‘this’ – Unmovable Grace
Such Peace, Stillness, Freedom

This ‘mind’ could never have conceived of, or imagined, what would be uncovered, if this was left un-investigated.

Are you willing to scratch the surface of your fears, doubts and negatives?
How are you living or not living an authentic life?
Are you willing to be real, raw, vulnerable, authentic?
What is possible when you are really willing and open to investigation, to Self-Inquiry?

I’d love to hear from you if this has been useful for you, and what you discover – please leave me a comment, or if it feels too private you can send me a private message – also if it triggers something for you where you feel you need support, just let me know.

So much love to you all on this journey of freedom – Namaste Yantra-ji

( The statue in the photo is ‘Ganesha’ – known as ‘The Remover of Obstacles’ )

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